Runner’s Log: The Walking Chronicles 3/17

Runner’s Log: The Walking Chronicles
Using my treadmill and elliptical this week have brought about some startling deductions…
* Man, its cold in here (equipment is in basement).
* (Turns on space heater and points it at self) I think I may have hit a new low on the sissy scale.
* Walking on an elliptical reminds me of when people try to do that trick where they stand behind a couch and pretend they are walking down steps.
* What if the reason the elliptical was created was to help train mimes to mimic walking on steps?
* Wait. More than that, what if a treadmill was created to teach mimes how to smoothly walk in place?
* I’m envisioning a training center where everyone is wearing a black and white striped top and black biker shorts.
* What would they have called the center: (Silence is) Gold’s Gym? Total (Quiet) Fitness?
* I bet you the reason there’s no evidence of such gyms is because some rookie got trapped inside an invisible box while running on the treadmill, fell, hurt himself, and sued. All clubs closed down because of the scandal.
* I’m sure those in power paid him to keep it quiet.
* It’s really too bad because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
* The only way the inventors of the treadmill and elliptical could keep from becoming completely bankrupt was to sell the patents to their brilliant creations.
* The rest is fitness history.
* Is any of that true? The world may never know because:

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