Runner’s log: An Introspection

Runner’s Log 5/16/2017

πŸ‘Ÿ When I was younger and grabbed the just cooked pan of mac n cheese and carried it to the living room so I wouldn’t miss the tv show that was playing and set the pan on the carpet thereby melting a circle in the carpet – not the dumbest idea I’ve ever had.

πŸ‘Ÿ When it was sooooooo hot in the AZ summers that I would swim/wade in the irrigated fields with dead frogs bloated and floating by – not the dumbest idea I’ve ever had.

πŸ‘Ÿ When I was in college and ate a full size bag of Funyuns and a liter of Hawaiian Punch – still not the dumbest idea I’ve ever had.

πŸ‘Ÿ Deciding to run home from the school and take the Mountain Bay trail (in order to avoid the devil dog that resides on the road close to my house) on a hot, humid day after rain – THAT was the dumbest idea I’ve ever had.

Let me break it down:

πŸ‘Ÿ I wanted to get my run in but needed to avoid the vicious hellhound who attacked me last time.

πŸ‘Ÿ A friend told me she takes the Mountain Bay trail all the time and it’s beautiful.

πŸ‘Ÿ A half mile into the trail (1.5-2 miles into my run) I discovered my fear of wild animals was unnecessary.

πŸ‘Ÿ Swarms…flocks…herds…PLAGUE of mosquitoes attacked me. There was nothing else to do but RUN FASTER. Sidenote: A group of mosquitoes is in fact aptly named a “scourge”.

πŸ‘Ÿ The whole time all I could think was “Arizona wouldn’t do this to me.”

πŸ‘Ÿ I could see the light at the end of the trail signifying the connection to the road but I just couldn’t get to it. Light at the end of the tunnel. Pfft. I call BS on the hope that brings.

πŸ‘Ÿ Mosquitoes got so bad I picked up a fallen pine tree branch and fanned my back while I ran. Sidenote: It’s times like these that make me wonder if I am, in fact, a cartoon.

πŸ‘Ÿ I FINALLY got off the trail and made excellent time getting home. Once there I had my daughter look at my shoulders, back, and back of my legs. Her hissing intake of breath said everything that needed to be said.Β Shoulders? Covered in bites. Back of my legs (including cheeks – you know which ones)? Covered in bites. I now resemble Quasimodo’s cousin.

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πŸ‘Ÿ The truly unfair thing about all of this is that I didn’t lose any weight from all the blood loss.

πŸ‘Ÿ P.S. Please don’t feel the need to tell me to use bug spray next time because:

A. Duh.

C.Β I don’t think there is a bug spray strong enough to protect anyone from that scourge – maybe an bug zapper suit…

5. There’s not going to be a next time.

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