Runner’s Log 4/6/2017: Ode To Under Armour

Runner’s Log 4/6/2017

Ode to Under Armour (Written on this morning’s run)

πŸ‘ŸΒ Your headband keeps the sweat from my head from running on my face.

πŸ‘ŸΒ Your sports bra helps to keep all the, ahem, important things in place.

πŸ‘ŸΒ Your ColdGear keeps me nice and warm in Wisconsin’s bitter cold.

πŸ‘ŸΒ I think you’re one of the very best if I may be so bold.

πŸ‘ŸΒ However, I feel I should tell you you’re not the only brand in my running gear.

πŸ‘ŸΒ But one should share good things to say because compliments are always nice to hear.

πŸ‘ŸΒ So with that in mind I thank you for giving me my basics.

πŸ‘ŸΒ Just please help me out and don’t let all of this get back to my Asics. (They’re the jealous sort…)

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Photo credit: blogs.citypages.com

Runner’s Log 4/3/17: Two Towers

Runner’s Log 4/3/17: Two Towers
πŸ‘Ÿ Rainy day – treadmill time.
πŸ‘Ÿ Watching LOTR: Two Towers will help pass the time.
πŸ‘Ÿ Watching this through a runner’s eyes is a lot different. I’m picking up on different things.
πŸ‘Ÿ I wonder if hobbits get blisters.
πŸ‘Ÿ I wonder what size Gollum wears. Is he like a size 0 in loincloths?
πŸ‘Ÿ Not gonna lie. I’m hobbit sized now but wouldn’t mind being a little more on the Gollum sized-side.
πŸ‘Ÿ Does anyone else get hungry when they run? I’d beat those hobbits for some lembas bread right about now.
πŸ‘Ÿ Gollum: “It burns us!” – I feel you dude. My thighs are on fire right about now.
πŸ‘Ÿ Urukai sniffs the air: “What is it? What do you smell?”
πŸ‘Ÿ Me: <raises hand>
πŸ‘Ÿ Gimli: “Three days’ and nights’ pursuit. No food. No rest.” – Me after mile three.
πŸ‘Ÿ Gimli: “Keep breathing. That’s the key.” – the much needed pep talk to keep me going.
πŸ‘Ÿ Does it seem unfair to anyone else that a tall man and an even taller elf keep running and leaving a dwarf behind. Pretty sure I’ve just found another metaphor for my life.
πŸ‘Ÿ Sadly, I think Gollum is my spirit animal. He spends the first hour of the movie trying to hang out with people who think he’s weird. Then he’s starving and can’t find anything to eat all while just wanting to get his hands on some pretty jewelry. Well, all of that and we pretty much have the same hair.
**The question now is do I continue this tomorrow or not? I’m finding too many connections. It’s kinda scary.
gollum running

Runner’s Log 3/31: Why do I have to do this?

Runner’s Log
3/31
πŸ‘Ÿ I’m so cold. Why do I have to do this?
πŸ‘Ÿ Conscience: Two words – maple donuts.
πŸ‘Ÿ Ok, beer drinkers, no offense but y’all are litter bugs. I swear the bulk of garbage on the side of the road is beer cans and bottles.
πŸ‘Ÿ There’s one can, two…three…whoa, that’s a vodka bottle – a VERY large glass vodka bottle.
πŸ‘Ÿ Crap. I forgot to wrap my toes.
πŸ‘Ÿ How long does it take for a toenail to grow back? Currently, my toe looks like a baby erumpent (See Fantastic Beasts).
πŸ‘Ÿ I suppose that’s only fitting considering that unclothed I resemble a murtlap. (Again, see Fantastic Beasts).
πŸ‘Ÿ Beer can tally is at 35. Hard liquor bottles – 5.
πŸ‘Ÿ I’m starting to second guess this route.
πŸ‘Ÿ And that is a prescription pill bottle with a sprinkling of pills surrounding it, but the lid is on. Pretty sure I don’t want to know that story.
πŸ‘Ÿ Beer can tally – 48. Hard liquor – 6.
πŸ‘Ÿ If I find a syringe, I’m calling someone to pick me up.
πŸ‘Ÿ 3.7 miles and done. Beer can tally – 68. Hard liquor bottles – 7. And one bottle of prescription pills.
πŸ‘Ÿ I may be a little traumatized now. Pretty sure I deserve a maple donut.

Didn’t get close enough to see the name on the bottle. Somethings are better left unknown. πŸ‘‡πŸ»

pill bottle

Let’s start at the very beginning…

This whole thing started after I complained to my doctor that nothing was working to help meΒ lose weight. She suggested I keep a journal about what I was trying and what my results were. She also suggested to keep track of the “self-talk” I use when exercising.

Running became my torture of choice. I hate running. Why did I choose it? Heck if I know. I kept track of whatever crossed my mind and subjected all of my friends on Facebook to my “self-talk”. I figured if I was going down, I might as well take everyone with me.

After numerous requests to put all of my posts in one place, I decided to create a blog.

You’re welcome.

If you’re new and haven’t read any of my Runner’s Logs, enter at your own risk. These pages include all of the original Facebook posts and will continue on with the new ones as I write them. Life is busy so I’m trying to keep it to at least one a week.

Just a heads up. There is a noticeable gap in posts. I broke my toe in December 2016 and couldn’t do much until February 2017. My body liked that break so much it rewarded me with extra padding. Yeah…..

P.S. I still hate running but, dang it, it does a body good.

Runner’s Log 3/27 (was too tired to post last night)

Runner’s Log 3/27 (was too tired to post last night)

πŸ‘Ÿ This time I’m prepared: base layer, gloves, hat, neck gator (for my uninformed desert friends, it’s like a scarf).
πŸ‘Ÿ Good things about running in above freezing temps: When I breathe it doesn’t feel like razors are slicing their way through my lungs; no snow; no ice; I can feel my face.
πŸ‘Ÿ Bad things about running in above freezing temps: Wearing base layers is too much πŸ˜₯; All the roadkill from the winter now makes an appearance – seriously, are there any deer left?!; I can smell the horses and cows before I actually see them (Of course, they could be saying the same thing about me.)
πŸ‘Ÿ So, A-Hole Hill, we meet again. No I will not run up you today. I will be walking but your gloating days are numbered.
πŸ‘Ÿ”I see absence makes the body grow rounder.” ~ A-Hole Hill.
πŸ‘Ÿ Pretty sure this hill is a 90 degree angle towards the top.
πŸ‘Ÿ Yep. This is it. This is how I die. Sweaty, gasping for air, and unable to reach the top of the hill, worrying about what I will look like when people find me. (I’m afraid there’s some analogy there regarding my life in general.)
πŸ‘Ÿ I made it. It wasn’t pretty, but I made it. All along the way I could be heard repeating: “What in the hill am I doing? What in the hill am I doing?”
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Runner’s Log: Birthday Edition

Runner’s Log: Birthday Edition
3/23
πŸŽ‚ I think all miles ran and calories burned should automatically be tripled on birthdays.
πŸŽ‚ For my birthday, I wished for a FitBit Blaze, to lose 10 pounds, a nap, warmth, sunshine, and world peace.
πŸŽ‚ It’s soooo cold out here. Stupid wind.
πŸŽ‚ Aaaaaand now my nose is running.
πŸŽ‚ FYI – snot wipes don’t show up on black sleeves. You’re welcome.
πŸŽ‚ FYI Part Two – be sure to keep snot wiping on one sleeve and mouth wiping on the other. Do not mix. Just trust me on this one.
πŸŽ‚Why is there an assortment of 20+ unopened Taco Bell sauce packets scattered on the side of the road?
πŸŽ‚ Was there a conflict? “Dang it, Carol! You know how I feel about prepackaged condiments. Either ditch them or take a hike.”
πŸŽ‚ Good news: I was able to run 2 of my 4 miles.
πŸŽ‚ Bad news: My big toe may have disconnected after mile two and is currently flapping around in my shoe.
πŸŽ‚ Batting 0 with the birthday wishes but the hubs surprised me with a birthday lunch, I was serenaded in Spanish (not by Jake), force fed whipped cream (again, not by Jake πŸ˜•), went for a run in freezing wind (butt is still frozen), and Tracy brought me tulips, so I guess you could say the day was a win.
*Totally not lying about the Taco Bell packets.

taco bell packets

Runner’s Log: The Walking Chronicles 3/17

Runner’s Log: The Walking Chronicles
3/17
Using my treadmill and elliptical this week have brought about some startling deductions…
* Man, its cold in here (equipment is in basement).
* (Turns on space heater and points it at self) I think I may have hit a new low on the sissy scale.
* Walking on an elliptical reminds me of when people try to do that trick where they stand behind a couch and pretend they are walking down steps.
* What if the reason the elliptical was created was to help train mimes to mimic walking on steps?
* Wait. More than that, what if a treadmill was created to teach mimes how to smoothly walk in place?
* I’m envisioning a training center where everyone is wearing a black and white striped top and black biker shorts.
* What would they have called the center: (Silence is) Gold’s Gym? Total (Quiet) Fitness?
* I bet you the reason there’s no evidence of such gyms is because some rookie got trapped inside an invisible box while running on the treadmill, fell, hurt himself, and sued. All clubs closed down because of the scandal.
* I’m sure those in power paid him to keep it quiet.
* It’s really too bad because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
* The only way the inventors of the treadmill and elliptical could keep from becoming completely bankrupt was to sell the patents to their brilliant creations.
* The rest is fitness history.
* Is any of that true? The world may never know because:
mme